In the name of God, Most Merciful, Most Kind,
* * *
"You need to learn to stay at home," was my father's mantra throughout my high-flying high-school and university days, when home was akin to a hotel. Many parents would sympathize.
Thankfully, my daughter's teen years are a long ways away, and yet I've become super sensitive to the mistakes of the past - mistakes in raising the little Muslim ladies of our communities and the problems that can result.
You see, I'd shoot back the following response to my Dad's plea - "Why? What for?" I could see absolutely no logic in the need to keep close to home base. I was a young, busy student, with tons of extra-curricular activities and a hectic social life, plus a part-time job throughout my studies. Picture perfect princess of the modern-day: Doting parents. Comfortable finances. Car. Next to zero responsibilities.
All fine and dandy 'till I got married. WOAH! Who rewrote the script? Daily chores? Thinking of someone else? Dare I say -- MOTHERHOOD!!!
Yikes. The shift was not pretty. It took a few years before I realized I had to think of a family unit - and I still struggle with it. My time. Time for me. My needs. My wants. Sigh. It ain't flying.
So what went wrong? Well, individualistic Western societies shoulder some blame. But what about Muslim parents who adopted an alien concept of female accomplishment? Even Western women of old used to learn to perfect their domestic duties, and to polish the additional artistic touches - piano, embroidery, singing and painting. Higher class ladies had social teas, and sewing circles. Not sure what the rest of them did. But I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with hopping on a horse and spending the day gallivanting around town for a school assignment.
Not to say that female education and emancipation is a bad thing. Of course not. Problem is, modern-day women are groomed for a different kind of life -- one that emphasizes their public role. Very little is said or done to prepare women for life as married women - for those who marry - and for motherhood, for those blessed with children.
So what to do? Time for emphasizing more than the typical school workload. Our daughters should love to cook, clean and take care of their little siblings. They should enjoy reading up on home remedies. They should love to sew their own clothing. Perhaps they should even redesign their homes. Point is, young ladies should be ready to make their home their main sphere of influence and enjoy doing it. Funny thing is, my five-year-old loves helping me out around the house. It comes naturally to her, and I think it is me who would potentially drive her into the arms of the modern-day woman's syndrome.
As for me, I've learned to stay at home and appreciate my Dad's prescience. I just hope my daughters believe me when I give them the same advice.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Where are the book lovers?
In the name of God, Most Merciful, Most Kind
* * *
"I don't want any books, I am sick of books," and with that quick statement, my relative made a beeline for the women's clothing section and I stood frozen in my spot, mouth agape.
Don't want any books? I thought to myself, as I wheeled the cart piled with fruits & veggies and my two girls over to the modest little reading section in this foreign superstore. I shuddered to imagine my own daughter one day telling me something similar.
Ever since I can remember, books have meant a lot to me. Not having access to them was akin to being at a seaside pool without a bathing suit. No chance for refreshment. No chance for participation. No chance for anything.
Or maybe it was like being in a desert without any water. Perhaps then you understand the urgency of my need to read.
Books are a part of my life. From my mother's loving instruction on how to connect the letters of a story about a butterfly, to the dozens of teen books that my father would help me fill our suitcases with on a family posting to Indonesia, books have provided me with special bonding moments with my world, and the world beyond it.
___________________________
Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.
~ Emilie Buchwald ~
______________________________________________
When my own children were born in Ottawa hospitals, I was reminded immediately of the need to read to them. Bless those eager beavers at the City of Ottawa, they offered every new baby a brand new book from the library - to keep - as well as a video on the importance of reading and a great little book for me called "Reading Magic", written by Mem Fox. In it, Ms. Fox makes the compelling case for reading daily to our children in order to give them a love of reading that will carry them through a life filled with questioning and wonder.
That has been my life - one of questioning and wonder - and so when my teen relative shrugged away the chance to pick up books that would otherwise cost too much for her family to consider, I felt something inside me cry out in disbelief.
When we recently traveled back to Canada for a visit, the library's 'for sale' section, made up of discontinued books, was one of my first stops. There, I picked up half a dozen titles for my girls. Used book stores were also high on the itinerary, where I even managed to pick up a treasure: "Teach your child to read in 100 Easy Lessons", which had just been recommended to me by a dear friend - who reads a lot, may God bless her!
Watching my two daughters pore over pages where real-life or cartoon characters put feelings and information into words so that they can experience new things, is one of my greatest joys. That the eldest may soon do it on her own, is an absolute miracle. It is devastating to realize how so many people do not derive any pleasure from reading, especially when many of them are Muslim, coming from a faith in which "Read!" was the first word revealed to the Prophet.
Perhaps it is the archaic school systems, teaching by rote to disrespected minds that are unfulfilled and forced into studying things they have no interest and no affinity for that has deadened the love of the written word. In Egypt, for example, if a student does magnificently in Chemistry, but fails in an unrelated subject, her grade-point average will nonetheless bar her from from entering Science; forced instead into a 'lower' academic stream that often results in an arts degree she'll likely care little about. Talk about creating a dead end on learning. Especially when learning becomes a chore, usually done zealously by those who see the clear connection between doing well in school and "succeeding" in the material realm. At least what their parents tell them.
Or mabe it is the disconnection between learning and our Islamic identity as learners, discoverers & pioneers, that has caused the evident deterioration in Islamic scholarship. Educators like Elma Ruth Harder point out the growing reliance on secular teaching materials in both Muslim and non-Muslim schooling environments as something to think about. After all, when you see learning as an opportunity to know more about life, creation, and directly or indirectly, about the Divine, it becomes in and of itself, an act of worship.
"The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr," said Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him. "He who leaves his house in search of knowledge, walks in the path of God," he also said. And there is so much more in the Islamic tradition that points to the value of learning and, by default, reading.
So while my little family wonders whatever to do with ourselves in this city of mega- malls and mega-mosques (though hard to reach because a woman can't drive alone) - I will call up the local library and see if anyone even bothers to answer the phone.
I'm almost afraid to find out.
* * *
"I don't want any books, I am sick of books," and with that quick statement, my relative made a beeline for the women's clothing section and I stood frozen in my spot, mouth agape.
Don't want any books? I thought to myself, as I wheeled the cart piled with fruits & veggies and my two girls over to the modest little reading section in this foreign superstore. I shuddered to imagine my own daughter one day telling me something similar.
Ever since I can remember, books have meant a lot to me. Not having access to them was akin to being at a seaside pool without a bathing suit. No chance for refreshment. No chance for participation. No chance for anything.
Or maybe it was like being in a desert without any water. Perhaps then you understand the urgency of my need to read.
Books are a part of my life. From my mother's loving instruction on how to connect the letters of a story about a butterfly, to the dozens of teen books that my father would help me fill our suitcases with on a family posting to Indonesia, books have provided me with special bonding moments with my world, and the world beyond it.
___________________________
Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.
~ Emilie Buchwald ~
______________________________________________
When my own children were born in Ottawa hospitals, I was reminded immediately of the need to read to them. Bless those eager beavers at the City of Ottawa, they offered every new baby a brand new book from the library - to keep - as well as a video on the importance of reading and a great little book for me called "Reading Magic", written by Mem Fox. In it, Ms. Fox makes the compelling case for reading daily to our children in order to give them a love of reading that will carry them through a life filled with questioning and wonder.
That has been my life - one of questioning and wonder - and so when my teen relative shrugged away the chance to pick up books that would otherwise cost too much for her family to consider, I felt something inside me cry out in disbelief.
When we recently traveled back to Canada for a visit, the library's 'for sale' section, made up of discontinued books, was one of my first stops. There, I picked up half a dozen titles for my girls. Used book stores were also high on the itinerary, where I even managed to pick up a treasure: "Teach your child to read in 100 Easy Lessons", which had just been recommended to me by a dear friend - who reads a lot, may God bless her!
Watching my two daughters pore over pages where real-life or cartoon characters put feelings and information into words so that they can experience new things, is one of my greatest joys. That the eldest may soon do it on her own, is an absolute miracle. It is devastating to realize how so many people do not derive any pleasure from reading, especially when many of them are Muslim, coming from a faith in which "Read!" was the first word revealed to the Prophet.
Perhaps it is the archaic school systems, teaching by rote to disrespected minds that are unfulfilled and forced into studying things they have no interest and no affinity for that has deadened the love of the written word. In Egypt, for example, if a student does magnificently in Chemistry, but fails in an unrelated subject, her grade-point average will nonetheless bar her from from entering Science; forced instead into a 'lower' academic stream that often results in an arts degree she'll likely care little about. Talk about creating a dead end on learning. Especially when learning becomes a chore, usually done zealously by those who see the clear connection between doing well in school and "succeeding" in the material realm. At least what their parents tell them.
Or mabe it is the disconnection between learning and our Islamic identity as learners, discoverers & pioneers, that has caused the evident deterioration in Islamic scholarship. Educators like Elma Ruth Harder point out the growing reliance on secular teaching materials in both Muslim and non-Muslim schooling environments as something to think about. After all, when you see learning as an opportunity to know more about life, creation, and directly or indirectly, about the Divine, it becomes in and of itself, an act of worship.
"The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr," said Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him. "He who leaves his house in search of knowledge, walks in the path of God," he also said. And there is so much more in the Islamic tradition that points to the value of learning and, by default, reading.
So while my little family wonders whatever to do with ourselves in this city of mega- malls and mega-mosques (though hard to reach because a woman can't drive alone) - I will call up the local library and see if anyone even bothers to answer the phone.
I'm almost afraid to find out.
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