Little ladies in waiting

In the name of God, Most Merciful, Most Kind,

* * *

"You need to learn to stay at home," was my father's mantra throughout my high-flying high-school and university days, when home was akin to a hotel. Many parents would sympathize.

Thankfully, my daughter's teen years are a long ways away, and yet I've become super sensitive to the mistakes of the past - mistakes in raising the little Muslim ladies of our communities and the problems that can result.

You see, I'd shoot back the following response to my Dad's plea - "Why? What for?" I could see absolutely no logic in the need to keep close to home base. I was a young, busy student, with tons of extra-curricular activities and a hectic social life, plus a part-time job throughout my studies. Picture perfect princess of the modern-day: Doting parents. Comfortable finances. Car. Next to zero responsibilities.

All fine and dandy 'till I got married. WOAH! Who rewrote the script? Daily chores? Thinking of someone else? Dare I say -- MOTHERHOOD!!!

Yikes. The shift was not pretty. It took a few years before I realized I had to think of a family unit - and I still struggle with it. My time. Time for me. My needs. My wants. Sigh. It ain't flying.

So what went wrong? Well, individualistic Western societies shoulder some blame. But what about Muslim parents who adopted an alien concept of female accomplishment? Even Western women of old used to learn to perfect their domestic duties, and to polish the additional artistic touches - piano, embroidery, singing and painting. Higher class ladies had social teas, and sewing circles. Not sure what the rest of them did. But I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with hopping on a horse and spending the day gallivanting around town for a school assignment.

Not to say that female education and emancipation is a bad thing. Of course not. Problem is, modern-day women are groomed for a different kind of life -- one that emphasizes their public role. Very little is said or done to prepare women for life as married women - for those who marry - and for motherhood, for those blessed with children.

So what to do? Time for emphasizing more than the typical school workload. Our daughters should love to cook, clean and take care of their little siblings. They should enjoy reading up on home remedies. They should love to sew their own clothing. Perhaps they should even redesign their homes. Point is, young ladies should be ready to make their home their main sphere of influence and enjoy doing it. Funny thing is, my five-year-old loves helping me out around the house. It comes naturally to her, and I think it is me who would potentially drive her into the arms of the modern-day woman's syndrome.

As for me, I've learned to stay at home and appreciate my Dad's prescience. I just hope my daughters believe me when I give them the same advice.